You see, you’ll find that with Tantra for beginners, there is more to it than just achieving better orgasms. This practice involves you entire soul, body, and your mind. There are practices involved that will affect your whole life, and when you take your sexual energy and harness it, you can direct it to other parts of your life, which will help to clear blocks that you have and will also help you boost your energy as well.

When it comes to Tantra for beginners, one of the most important things you will learn to do is to breathe right. When you control your breathing right, it will help you keep your attention right in the present. Also, using synchronized breathing with your partner can help to make the two of you feel even closer to each other. Work on making your breathing synchronize together as well.

Of course, while the Tantra is not all about having various positions for sex, there are various positions that are used in it and when it comes to Tantra for beginners, you’ll want to learn about some of these different positions for sex. You don’t have to take the time to go through all of the different positions, but you do want to work on finding great positions that will help you to prolong the time it takes to make love to each other. Women should learn to improve their orgasms with appropriate exercises and men need to take the time to learn how to improve their orgasms and hold off as well.

When it comes to Tantra for beginners, it is also important that you learn about respect for your partner as well as yourself. You are to learn about the spiritual and sacred aspects of your sexual relationship, instead of seeing it as something that is naughty or something that is to be kept secret. Tantra for beginners is a time when you will continually make new discoveries about yourself and your partner. As you continue to pursue these teachings, you’ll learn more about slowing down and more about wonderful, connecting, and gratifying sex.

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The term "healing" conjures up images of fixing something that is viewed as broken or unhealthy. Sexual healing would be needed to heal a physical illness or to correct behavior that is sexually dysfunctional or deviant. Pedophilia, sex addiction, impotence, and frigidity are some examples of conditions for which sexual healing through the aid of a medical or mental health professional would be most appropriate.

Tantra is not a method of sexual healing so much as it is a useful tool for bringing about a change of negative or uncomfortable attitudes towards sexuality and becoming more open, relaxed and sexually whole. Tantric practices, among many other things, help to dispel the most common myths and misconceptions about sexuality to establish an intelligent, rational setting for a natural, healthy, more enjoyable sex life. Tantric practices are useful in enhancing sensitivity to simple sensual pleasures, realigning unbalanced energies, and liberating us from unhealthy cultural beliefs regarding sex and sexual pleasure.

Sensual Enhancement
A major part of tantric practice is to pay close attention to what we see, hear, smell, feel, and taste without analysis or judgment. The more focused attention given to the senses and sensual stimuli, the more sensitive they become, and it takes less to arouse them. Because sex is a highly sensual activity, the enhancement of all sensual perceptions has a direct positive effect on libido and the ability to sustain sexual excitement. More pleasure is enjoyed from less and less effort, and without overindulgence. Tantra helps to take us back to a time when a simple touch brought a rush of warm feelings of joy and ecstasy, and this way, the pleasure of touch is greatly extended far beyond the mere moment of physical orgasm.

Energy Balance
Within every one of us are differing energies. Among them are Shiva, the masculine, calm and dynamic; and Shakti, the feminine, earthy, creative, and intuitive. When these internal polarities are balanced and integrated, we are able to take full advantage of the qualities of both such as clarity and intuitiveness, peace, and power. The result is a dynamic whole, the interplay of yin and yang, each capable of giving and receiving (sharing equally) pleasure with a partner. Encounters with others, both sexual and nonsexual feel more egalitarian when there is the lack of competition and constant worry and fear about unfair advantage. Fear and worry block the flow of energies, particular the energies needed for relaxation and fulfillment. Tantric relationships generally promote more cooperation and freedom to experience the joys of sexual playfulness.

Cultural beliefs
Sexuality is a natural and healthy part of life. Without it, life would cease to exist. Tantra is a discipline that originated in India and the east, where sexuality has at times been less repressed than in the west. The western current shame-based attitudes towards sexuality have led to the abuse of sex so much that it is exploited to manipulate and to sell virtually any and every product ever marketed. What a confusing concept! Tantra takes us away from the falsity that sex is nasty, evil, disgusting, or sinful. In fact, sex is considered sacred because it is associated with the supreme life force. When viewed in a way that is perfectly logical and rational, the possibility of a happy healthy sex life without being doomed to the depths of hellfire becomes all so real. Tantra empowers us to view sexuality in a way like any other, without negative or positive connotations, and devoid of guilt, disgust, and shame.

Equally damaging is the idea that only skinny people are sexy, or that there is any such physical standard requirement that must be met in order to be sexually desirable or to be permitted to enjoy the basic and normal joys of the body. All this is as if sexual satisfaction is a scarce commodity, to be enjoyed only by a select few. This all-pervasive fallacy is the root of many an eating disorder, and self esteem issue. When we consider that a majority of Americans are overweight, we see the widespread result of poor sexual relations and demeaning sexual attitudes. Tantra practitioners dismiss such beauty standards as a form of discrimination, which is discouraged, and a problem of separation. The tantric ideal is that people are all connected, all beautiful, and all divine. Therefore, any sort of physical requirement is absolutely absurd. Tantric practices require that we befriend, love, care for, and respect the body as a divine gift. To be sexy is a state of mind–being open, connected, and receptive to loving touch, no matter what weight, height, age, color, or shape.

Conclusion
Sex and sexuality are but a very small part of Tantra. However, almost all exposure to tantra by westerners derives from misrepresentations and misunderstandings of the practice through some well-meaning so-called healers and some not so well meaning profiteers. Most often they make easy money by claiming that tantra is limited to sacred sex and a neurotic quest to live out bodily passions. This hyperbolic emphasis on sex positions, prolonged orgasms, sexual healing, controlling ejaculation, etc. simply preys upon the western aversion to sexuality, the unhealthy western fascination with sex and everything sexy, or both and has very little to do with authentic tantra. Tantra is actually a very simple, deep, subtle spiritual practice in which adherents learn to use sensuality, creative energies, and breath to become completely present to reality, with an open heart, in order to simultaneously experience a greatly expanded state of love-based consciousness.

Tantra is a spiritual tradition that originated in India some 4,000 years ago. It is a way of life that celebrates and strives for the union of body, mind, heart and soul. Tantra is a form of yoga. Yoga means union. The ultimate purpose of Tantra is the union of lovers, and ultimately union with the Divine. In the Tantric tradition, sexuality and spirituality are joined. Lovers actually invite God into their bed!

Many cultures have a variation of this challenging and delightful practice, the Taoists in China and the Cheyenne in North America. There are differences in these practices, but all forms of sacred sexuality share the intentional cultivation and use of sexual energy for spiritual growth, healing, creativity and enhanced pleasure.

The practices of Tantra were first introduced to the west in the 1800s, but a Tantric revival in the ashrams of India during the late 1960s has led to a gradual popularization of these practices in Europe and North America. Recent testimonials by celebrity musicians and movie stars like Sting and Woody Harrelson have promoted it and Tantra is becoming the sexual learning of choice for those who want to have it all: a passionate sex life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth.

Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other ceremonial practices, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to build a high sexual energy charge and to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantric lovers extend lovemaking over several hours, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way.

Part of the delight of Tantra is that you can continue to learn and advance throughout years of practice; it is never-ending in its potential for growth. At the same time, it is a practice that yields immediate results. You can experience a difference in your lovemaking right now if you follow these nine simple steps.

Tantric Loving Step by Step

1. Intention

Regular lovemaking has a goal, orgasm. If you both come at the same instant, many believe this is as good as it gets. However, this approach often results in a great deal of frustration and performance anxiety. With Tantric sacred loving there is no goal, but there is a purpose, union. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects, body, mind, heart and soul, not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess, as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory, the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine.

2. Creating a Sacred Loving Space

Set the mood; transform any ordinary space, bedroom, living room, etc., into a sacred space. It takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use. First, clean the room; vacuum, dust, and put away any clutter lying about. In the evening dim the lights and use lots of candles. Bring in plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share. Bring special objects that have emotional importance for into the room. Make up a lover’s bed using your finest clean linens (silk is exquisite) and have lots of pillows handy.

When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. Create your own rituals with sweet grass, incense, and musical instruments.

3. The Lover’s Purifying Bath

Cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. Wash away the dirt and cares of the world. A hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect, especially if you can both fit into the tub at the same time. A shower is the next best thing, but perfectly acceptable. The essential thing is to be squeaky clean. After all you will be eating off that skin! Make the bath a slow, luxurious affair giving complete attention to your lover. Wash and dry each other with playful abandon. Men shave or trim facial hair and apply scent. Women apply their best perfumes and lotions. Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead.

4. Honor, Respect and Permission

Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey.

Men, think of the yoni (vagina) as a potential opening, don’t ever take your lady for granted! Speak softly how much you adore, love and respect her as you gently blow on her ears and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists “good girls” do not enjoy sex, the Madonna/Whore split. Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate most about her. Finally, ask permission to be her passionate Tantric lover.

Ladies, let your man know that he is safe! He may act macho and tough, showing little emotion, but inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of trusting and surrendering will be. Let him know that you admire his strength, but that it also turns you on when he allows himself to be vulnerable by showing his feelings. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so deeply. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love with him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask permission to be his passionate Tantric lover.

5. Foreplay

Two simple ways to tune into each other are harmonizing your breathing and gazing deeply into each other’s eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect emotionally and energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other’s bodies with wonder, lust and playfulness.

Remember, in Tantric sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each touch is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy both lovers will discover they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together, or looking into each other’s eyes across a crowded room! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman’s breasts or into her yoni. When touching her body, start at the extremities, fingers and toes, and work in toward the hot spots. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse.

6. Intercourse

Five to fifteen minutes of lovemaking is usually not satisfying for women. Men can learn to delay ejaculation so that lovemaking can be extended for hours. A man can delay ejaculation for weeks or months at a time, not just during one lovemaking session. A man who masters his ejaculation response can separate orgasm from ejaculation and become a multi-orgasmic-man! Such a man can last long enough in lovemaking so that his female partner will have enough time to also have multiple orgasms.

Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does not mean you are having active intercourse during that entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other, dancing, massage, etc. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30-45 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his oxygen and hormone levels in the lingam (penis).

7. Moving Your Energy: The Passion Pump

Riding the wave of bliss happens when the lovers become totally aroused sexually, maintaining that arousal for a period of time. They build up intense hot sexual energy. For the man, if this energy has nowhere else to go, there will be such great pressure in the prostate, that it will go into involuntary spasm and ejaculation will end the lovemaking. However, with a combination of breathing, relaxation, and muscle contraction exercises both men and women can learn to circulate sexual energy through their own and their lover’s body. Ultimately the ego boundaries disappear and the lovers become one in ecstatic union.

The muscle contraction exercise is very simple. If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles in exactly the right way. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It’s the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy.

At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal lovemaking movements and focus on moving the sexual energy that’s pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals pass this powerful force on to your lover. At first, this may seem difficult because we are not accustomed to paying attention to our internal energy. With practice, you will be able to recognize and direct it.

8. Afterplay

Regular lovemaking usually ends (often abruptly) when the man ejaculates, but Tantric sacred loving often ends while the lovers still have desire. This assumes the man has some mastery over his ejaculation response so that ending lovemaking is a conscious choice, sometimes including ejaculation, sometimes not. With Tantric loving you wind down your lovemaking with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink.

9. Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures

The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring!

Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down) for each other. Take on different personalities with different costumes; wear masks. Play and laugh together. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out!