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Oxytocin and the Interplay of Relating

24. July 2007

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Significant new studies are showing the complexity of the world of neurochemicals that make up our bodies, minds and souls. Fascinating studies on the neuropeptide oxytocin are showing its importance in pair-bonding between lovers, families and friends. It is also being singled out for its role in the more feminine trait of ‘tending and relating’ in the face of adversity. Fight or flight, in the face of stress, seems to be a more male trait and may have something to do with the interplay of testosterone levels and oxytocin levels. Estrogen, on the other hand, enhances the affects of oxytocin and helps to promote the brain’s use of oxytocin to create win-win scenarios.Reactions to stress factors are smaller and pass faster in people under the influence of higher levels of oxytocin. Estrogen enhances oxytocin release and androgens like testosterone mitigate it. It may be that as women age (the degree of free testosterone in their bodies and brains increases as estrogen compounds decrease) they become less attached to their long-term love relationships, especially if they are strained. They seek friends, family and, sometimes, new mates so as to increase their levels of oxytocin. All of this is unconscious, of course, but helps us understand the movement of humans in the relationship love dance.Oxytocin may be why men seek more sex partners than women tend to. Women produce more oxytocin, in more ways than men, and it helps them create bonding relationships of all kinds. It induces trust, intimacy, reaching to help others and reduces stress so it only seems natural that men would seek, unconsciously, of course, their own ways of increasing the supply of it to their brains. Because men have access to oxytocin during orgasmic pleasure and, in smaller amounts, through intimate relating like kissing and cuddling, they would seek these behaviors naturally. Women, on the other hand, have more opportunity to experience the oxytocin high through not only orgasm and cuddling but through nursing, childbirth and general friendship tending. They just are more ‘wired’ for the production of oxytocin because it is biologically necessary for bonding them to friends and family.There are several companies experimenting with low-level oxytocin sprays that may be out on the market in a few years. What will that do to the world of love and bonding and connection? In a society that prides itself on innovation, where is this taking us and how will it benefit, detour or cause problems in the human striving to love and be loved? In the face of free-will corporate profits, I’m sure we’ll be finding out soon enough.

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Small Study on Mood Benefits of Yoga

2. July 2007

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Finally, the scientific community is studying some of the strong, anecdotal evidence that Yoga produces calmer, happier people. A small, new study on Yoga and health benefits just announced that the amount of a substance in our bodies – GABA – goes up 27% in people who meditate versus reading a book. GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel better. Concentrations of this neurotransmitter were at significantly higher levels throughout the brain areas that respond to it in MRSI scans after the one hour Yoga period. Their findings suggest that yoga, and perhaps other forms of exercise, should be investigated as a complementary treatment for depression and anxiety disorders, which are commonly associated with low levels of GABA. This is definitive news on how Yoga, and probably exercise, orgasm and maybe even meditation, can benefit all of us.Further studies will include a look at general exercise as a comparison to Yoga to see if any qualifications can be used to further define what exactly is happening to the brain and the presence of GABA. I’m hoping they look at meditation and visualization too. Other recent scientific studies have pointed to the fact that you can simply ‘think’ or ‘visualize’ to actual ‘optimize’ the benefits you get from your regular exercise. Imagine yourself pushing your own envelope and it will happen!

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Anger and Power Tantric Style

25. June 2007

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AASECT again!There is so much here but much of it just doesn’t fit the model of Sacred Sexuality and Tantric philosophy, as I see it. It is more about the systematic model of breaking down and reconstructing the issues that concern, confuse and cause us grief about our relationships and sex. The issues that, for what ever reasons, keep us separate from our lover and partner. But we must live in relationship to others and we must relate to the world we live in and function in. The higher our functioning the better our lives will be.Marty Klein, famous and prolific sex therapist that he is, held a workshop on Anger and Power in relationships. Power and Anger manifest in many different ways in all relationships but I’ll focus here on one of the ways it comes up in relationship to Tantra.These kinds of issues come up in couples where one wants to take a Tantra workshop and the other can’t understand why, or sometimes even listen to the reasons, their partner wants to go. Though the one lover may be trying to charge the relationship up a bit, and cause transformation to occur, the other partner sees it as a direct attack on his or her sexual techniques, lovability or any other of a myriad of assaults on their integrity as a love and partner.Tantra has been affiliated with saying ‘Yes’ to your lover and to life. That doesn’t mean that any particular ‘Yes’ is forever but it means that you are willing to stretch a bit to experience something your partner wants to try. If one partner, in any relationship, is the one who is always suggesting a new strategy, this can get very one-sided and become a ‘power’ play. If this happens in your relationship, any relationship in your life for that matter, try stretching to be the one who suggests a new adventure or path of learning and expanding. See what happens. Start slowly and relatively safely at first if this is foreign to you. Witness how you feel doing it – even thinking about doing it. Are you being straight-forward and clear in your telling? Are you fully behind yourself and what you are asking for? How does it fell in your ‘body’ right before and right after you ask? Witness how you handle yourself and applies this to next time so that you can learn how to be more assertive and yet gently powerful on your life and your relationships.Life is relatively short. There may come a time in your life when you say to yourself “Why didn’t I stretch a little more? What would it have cost me? And what would I have gained?” You might want to apply this sooner than later. At first you won’t be good at it but I bet over time and with a patience from you partner you will get it and the both of you will soar with your new-found equanimity.

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